A shout out

To everyone I know that has a blog:

I've been getting too much work done, which means that you're not doing your jobs. I want distraction -- at half-hour intervals, and in five minute bites. Coordinate that amongst yourselves, but make sure that you've got it covered, and don't think that you get to take the weekends off. I ESPECIALLY need amusing on weekends.

Thank you; that is all.

This is not a political blog

But I'm SO ANNOYED RIGHT NOW.

Because all I've been hearing is how wonderful Palin's convention speech was. And it wasn't. It was not a good speech. Her timing was off. I'm admitting that she read it with expression, but she isn't a good speaker. Good speakers know the crowd, and the crowd knows how to respond. People laughed when she paused after jokes, but not at the joke. People clapped her points, but only after she'd paused for them to do so. It looked good, but the timing was about a half second off.

And it was a mean-spirited, petty speech. And it said nothing about issues people care about.

Oh, and I'm from a small town too. And I don't think that she represents my mode of thinking.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

But you know what? I'm trying my level best not to pay attention to her, because she is an irrelevance and a distraction. An irritating distraction, but nothing more.

I'm not stupid, Mr. McCain

I just wanted to get that out there. I know I'm a woman, and maybe a little slow, but it seems to me that I am capable of saying to myself "She doesn't have dangly bits, but she still DIFFERS FROM ME ON EVERY MAJOR POLICY ISSUE AND IS APPARENTLY AGAINST POLAR BEARS so I won't vote for her."

I think I can do that.

Also, I'm tired of hearing people say that she and Obama have the same weaknesses so we have to talk about the issues. Lack of experience? Well, Obama has been representing a bunch more people for quite a bit longer than her. That counts. Executive experience? I think that the Obama campaign organization might actually be bigger than Alaska. Just sayin'.

And if Obama (who is in EXCELLENT health) dies, we'll have Biden. If McCain (who isn't) dies, we'll have Palin. Who may be a very nice woman and I will admit that she seems to say what she means and mean what she says . . . BUT she's too far to the right for me. So though she shares the same chromosomal pairing as me, I have to decline to vote for her.

Tetanus shots

Head over to scarlet panda and read her post on them. I should have listened, and now I'm waiting for my doctor to deign to see me tomorrow (I cut my foot yesterday, but it was on concrete, not anything metal). Stupid tetanus shots.

Elitist? Moi?

I'm pretty certain that I'm an elitist. I am amused by the quaint (or, as I like to say, wrong) speech patterns of the less educated. The misplaced apostrophe on a certain bar's credit card receipt BOTHERS ME. I assume that everyone, if they were clever enough, would want to get an advanced degree. I have been known to pity my mechanic/plumber/electrician/hairdresser for their lot in life.

But this morning, I managed to cut Leo's hair, and it doesn't look at all bad!!! I mean, it even looks good (if only I can persuade him to comb it). I took clippers and scissors and removed fuzz from his head in a mostly symmetrical pattern so that he can go off to his lawyering looking like a grown-up, not an ultra-cool indie rocker. I wonder if the thrill goes away. I never feel that accomplished talking to a student. Are useful skills actually gratifying? I wonder.

Please go off the trail and urinate on a rock

In a place of great natural beauty, danger lurks. In the heart of the Olympic National Park, there is a RABID MOUNTAIN GOAT waiting to kill you. Luckily, it is frightened of shouting and sticks.

In order to prevent this horror from dogging your steps, please observe these simple rules (see fig. 1; it involves peeing on a rock!)

Needless to say, this made me very happy.

Ick. Hot. Fingers Melty.

Did you know that it's possible to become one with your clothing? I am going to go get ready for bed in a few minutes, and here's to hoping that I haven't actually grafted me shirt onto my back.

It was (according to NPR, fount of all wisdom) 105 degrees today with a heat index of 115-120. (You can't do all caps with numbers, but if I could, I would). I think I'm going to go live in my refrigerator.

I called my mother in Washington today and said "tell me about your weather." She wanted to know why, and I told her that I wanted to fantasize about it. I called my mother for WEATHER PORN. It is time to get out more. Or actually, come to think of it, stay in more so that the heat doesn't get to me. Bless my air-conditioned cave of a house. I'll be in the basement if anyone wants me.

If anyone's weather is better, tell me so I can imagine it.